she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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