Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
