Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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