Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize