As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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