It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
