the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
