Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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