i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
and she was petting her beer can
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
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