do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
