Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
