I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
