the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
should my penis look like a turkey
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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