Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
