i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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