You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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