Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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