My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
