Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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