He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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