no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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