It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize