JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
