take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
