We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
