I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
