look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
