oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
