I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
my liver is dry heaving
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