I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I believe in your delicious
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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