Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
