my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
