You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
