I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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