Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize