he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
