So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
