Screwed.edu
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
