i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
