She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
