It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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