I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
