do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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