Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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