Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
try to milk me bitch
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