Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
