is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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