4 words: hood of his car
no. you can't hotbox the world.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
