I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
