When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
