Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
