when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
