so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
