I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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