I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She told me I should be a condom model.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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