i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
