Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
