wat bout pragnant strippers??
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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