worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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