i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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