I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
