Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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