Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
