Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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