I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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