just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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