I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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