His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
