It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize