In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
