My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize