their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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