I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
