Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
