we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
