I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
