I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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