I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
