using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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