East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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