They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize