haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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