Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize