Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
