Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
