At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
