Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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