My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
