3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
