I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
