The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
