I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
