Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
