the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I am available for nakedness
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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