You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
