I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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