he wants to bone in the snuggie
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
