I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
