I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
