If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
