the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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