I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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