with your own penis?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Houston, we have a squirter
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
